Straight White Boy Problem #394

straightwhiteboyproblems:

Bro u should totally try out for cross country. you ran like a six minute mile today that’s like the best on the team! you don’t want to do cross country because their shorts are too high? Dude I saw you at that party last friday wearing shorts that were shorter than cross country shorts don’t even tell me that we are going to summer warm ups and you are going to be my running buddy whether you like it or not

Anonymous asked:

so if a boy i haven't talked to in awhile just randomly asked me to a movie and wouldn't talk after that is it a date or what because i'm confused

straightwhiteboyproblems:

We are mysterious creatures. Sometimes we do things with no meaning. For instance, one time my bro took a whole 2 liter bottle of coke and threw it across my driveway hoping it would explode. “Why did you do that?” we asked him, but we received no reply. Why do we take unbend paper clips and stick them into electrical sockets, shutting the school power down for hours? Why are we programmed to think that buying the newest fragrance of Ralph Lauren cologne will suddenly grant us better bods and a sexy bikini cladened girl on an isolated beach? We are compelled to do things that have little to no reason like watching 85 straight episodes of epic meal time. So while you tumblr blog lords eagerly expect an answer, I must disappoint you and tell you that I hold no answers to this very question. THIS, ironically, is a straight white boy problem because the higher powers above of both swag and class are controlling our every decision and we, unfortunately, are struggling to control ourselves for the greater good of the world. THANK YOU for reading My Dissertation on food Network stars i hope your movie was Great AND may God bless You Merry christmas

rexuality:

but how do you convince little kids to wear clever costumes they won’t appreciate?

"mommy can i be batman?"
"no you and your brother are going as van gogh and the starry night painting, it’ll be so hilarious and witty"
"i want to be batman though"
"shhhhh mommy needs more followers on pinterest"